Oh Dear Mee!
Da Momma took me's to see da dogter last week
(after me runned into her's leg fur bout da 87th time)
Dis has been goin on fur a while but when's me nearly knocked meself unconscious, her decided dat was da last straw (whatever dat means!)
Actually me probably hurt her leg when me head butted it and dat made her decide to takes me to da dogter.
Da dogter put me in a dark dark room {insert scary shiver} and he puts on some scary glasses {insert anudder scary shiver} (Hey doc, me da one wit da seeing pwoblem so why you got da glasses on??)
Anyway.....me eyes be jus' fine. My retinas still be attached to me eyeballs and dere is no cat-er-racks or glue-commas in dere. So da dogter said me is jus not seeing tings dat are close up (like da tweets da Momma sometimes dangles in front of me face). Butt me can see jus fine if ya move back bout a paw!
So da dogter said me pwobably needs some weenie contacts.
Me tinks me looks more professional like dis!
What you guys tink???
*****
Da Momma had her head in da kitchen cabinets all day yesterday {enough cleaning already}. So her made me miss Corbin's special day.
While da Momma was cleanin', me was readin all da wonder-fur Blogville postees yesterday and ya'll barked everyting dat me would of barked if my assistant would of assisted me!
BUTT, let me jus say now!
DERE IS NO BAD DOGS...
JUS' BAD PEOPLE WHO MAKE DA DOGS BE BAD 'CAUSE DOGS ALWAYS DO WHATEVER IT TAKES TO MAKE DERE MASTERS HAP-PEE!
(Cause dat's jus what we do...make peeps hap-pee)
Don't discriminate by breed cause we is all da same no matter what we's look like!
*******
Da following announcement is fur all of us who has to protect our yards:
Basic
Rules for Dogs Who Have a
Yard To Protect
Newspapers: If you
have to go to the bathroom while playing in the front yard, always use the
newspaper that's placed in the driveway every morning for that purpose.
Visitors: Quickly
determine which guest is afraid of dogs. Charge across the room, barking loudly
and leap playfully on this person. If the human falls down on the floor and
starts crying, lick its face and growl gently to show your concern.
Barking: Because
you are a dog, you are expected to bark. So bark - a lot. Your owners will be
very happy to hear you protecting their house. Especially late at night while
they are sleeping safely in their beds. There is no more secure feeling for a
human than to keep waking up in the middle of the night and hearing your
protective bark, bark, bark ...
Licking: Always
take a big drink from your water dish immediately before licking your human.
Humans prefer clean tongues. Be ready to fetch your human a towel.
Holes: Rather
than digging a big hole in the middle of the yard and upsetting your human, dig
a lot of smaller holes all over the yard so they won't notice. If you arrange a
little pile of dirt on one side of each hole, maybe they'll think it's gophers.
There are never enough holes in the ground. Strive daily to do your part to
help correct this problem.
Doors: The area
directly in front of a door is always reserved for the family dog to sleep.
Sniffing: Humans
like to be sniffed. Everywhere. It is your duty, as the family dog, to
accommodate them.
Dining
Etiquette: Always sit under the table at dinner, especially when
there are guests, so you can clean up any food that falls on the floor. It's
also a good time to practice your sniffing.
Housebreaking:
Housebreaking is very important to humans, so break as much of the house as
possible.
Going
for Walks: Rules of the road: When out for a walk with your master or
mistress, never go to the bathroom on your own lawn.
Couches: It is
perfectly permissible to lie on the new couch after all your humans have gone
to bed.
Playing: If you
lose your footing while chasing a ball or stick, use the flower bed to absorb
your fall so you don't injure yourself.
Cats: When
chasing cats, make sure you never *quite* catch them. It spoils all the fun.
Chewing: Make a
contribution to the fashion industry ... Eat a shoe.
AND DA FOLLOWING RULES IS FUR DA WEENIE DOG BREED
OK's every buddy. Now me has to go and snoopervise da Momma wit her cleaning project some more.
Don't furget me.....me be da one wit da glasses!
**********
